


Riser

by Little_Lost_Penny



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Caretaking, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Recovery, Rough Kissing, Serious Injuries, Slow Build, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-02-02 10:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12724692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Lost_Penny/pseuds/Little_Lost_Penny
Summary: After being stabbed by an uknown person, Izaya finds himself at his lowest. Surprisingly, the one person he thought would take the chance to kill him is the one who ends up helping him rise.-Shizaya-





	1. 1.

I'm strong enough to hold you through the winter  
mean enough to stare your demons down

.

It shouldn't be this hard, Shizuo thinks. Just push the door open and walk inside. There's nothing life or death in the act of opening a door, nothing determinant, nothing final. But somehow he feels it in his bones; the mere idea of moving his hand closer to the knob makes his blood run cold, his shoulders go stiff – as if opening this door would be making a choice like any other he's made before.

His fingers twitch, itching for a cigarette.

He makes his choice, whatever that means, and pushes the door open very carefully, as carefully as his monstrous strength allows him, and walks inside.

The burst of light inside the room blinds him for a moment, and when his eyes adjust, all he sees is the pale figure lying on the bed.

I could kill him right now and get it over with. It's a thought that never crossed his mind before, to even think of killing Izaya while he's down makes him feel sick and ashamed.

Then why did he come?

Why am I here?

"Shizu-chan, I can hear you thinking."

Izaya's voice is soft and tired and wrong.

Shizuo snaps out of his reverie and looks directly at his enemy, he wishes he could smoke inside the hospital; he wishes he could turn away and leave now.

He can do neither.

"What happened to you, flea?"

"What do you think?" Izaya's voice is all wrong but his eyes hold the same mischievous glint.

Shizuo shrugs.

"Shinra says someone stabbed you."

Izaya seems pensive for a moment, tilts his head to the side.

"Hu-uh, does it make you angry it wasn't you?" He's smiling as he watches Shizuo's face contort in disgust.

"Stabbing someone when he's unaware is low." I wouldn't do that, he doesn't say, but somehow knows that Izaya knows it.

"Are you here to finish me off, then?"

Shizuo looks away; suddenly extremely uncomfortable.

"No." He breathes.

Izaya frowns, mask slipping down for a split second to show utter confusion.

"Then why are you here?"

Shizuo tries to find something to occupy his hands with, something to focus his attention on, something to look at, but realizes that, as it's always been, he can't focus on anything else when Izaya is in the room.

"Why, Shizu-chan?" Izaya presses, with something between desperation and spite. "Did you come to gloat? Is that it?"

Shizuo snaps then, taking a step forward and closing both hands into fists.

"I don't know." He spats. "I have no fucking idea what I came, stupid flea."

Izaya seems pleased at his change of temper.

"Does seeing me down gets you off?"

"I am not like you." Shizuo hisses.

Silence falls over them like snow; soft and welcoming, and it chills the both to the bone.

"No, you're not."

Izaya's voice is soft and tired and wrong.

They stare at each other in silence, neither knowing what to say or do next. Time breezes past them and leaves them feeling small and unsure.

"Why?" Shizuo asks, even though he thinks he already knows the answer.

"Why what?"

Shizuo grunts.

"Why did someone fucking stab you, bastard?" Why did you allow someone to stab you?

Izaya laughs, soft and throaty, and turns his face to stare out the window.

"I let my guard down." He admits. "It will not happen again."

Silence again. Silence; it seems to be this way with them; either chaos or silence, no in-betweens.

"Why did you come, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo turns around and leaves the room.

Once outside, he takes a deep breath and his lungs ache with the effort, as if he had been holding his breath for too long.

A nurse approaches him carefully, staring at him with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. Shizuo breathes again and turns to face her.

"I'm going to leave my number. Call me when he's ready to be released." He thinks about it for a second. "Call me before you actually release him, or he'll leave before I get here."

The woman's expression softens.

"Are you family?"

"No."

"A friend, then?"

"No."

"Oh." The nurse's smile broadens at Shizuo's obvious discomfort. "Something else, then."

Shizuo's eyes are focused on his feet, his fingers twitch again.

"Yeah."

An enemy.

"I'll call you." She says. "If you're here it means you care, no?"

Shizuo's voice is barely above a whisper.

"I don't know."

He leaves the hospital with the feeling that he probably just made the stupidest choice of his life.

.

It's a fear like he has never felt before; strong as a waterfall, piercing like the coldest wind, infinite like the breath he doesn't seem to be able to catch.

I refuse to die. Izaya thinks

"Shizu-chan never took it this far. He never hit this hard, he never hurt me this bad. Oh, Shizu-chan, all this time I thought it would be you the only one who could kill me and now…you surprise me even now."

It's ironic, Izaya thinks, as he lies limp on the floor, that even his last thoughts belong to the monster that wasn't able to kill him in the end.

Even gods have to fall, it seems.

There are footsteps somewhere around him, and he can hear muffled voices and raging screams -

"Oi, flea, don't you dare die on me."

He's even hearing his voice now, that low growl that's only reserved for Izaya. He's feeling his hands, hands that have punched him too many times for him not to have them memorized; they're picking him up, lifting his body from the ground with a kind of carefulness that Izaya would have never thought him capable of.

It can't be.

No one was supposed to come save him, much less him.

He opens his eyes slowly, needles of a dream still buried deep in his eyes. His surroundings are too bright and too hazy, and Izaya wonders if he's actually awake or if this is the dream, and in reality he's still laying limp in the middle of the street.

Whether this is a dream or reality, there's someone in the room with him; Izaya could distinguish that presence anywhere, that particular smell of smoke and anger, the tension in the air whenever they're around each other.

"I can hear you thinking, Shizu-chan." He speaks before his eyes have come completely into focus.

Shizuo's eyes find his; he looks unsure and nervous and something else.

Why is he here?

You surprise me even now.

"What happened to you, flea?"

"What do you think?" Why do you ask? Why do you care?

"Shinra says someone stabbed you."

Shizuo looks absolutely out of place standing in the middle of Izaya's hospital room. It's a good look, Izaya decides, he likes his monster uncomfortable.

"Hu-uh, does it make you angry it wasn't you?" He smiles as Shizuo's offended face.

"Stabbing someone when he's unaware is low."

I know. Izaya wants to say.

"Are you here to finish me off, then?" He says instead.

Shizuo looks away. Izaya can see that he's trying to focus on anything but him. As if he could, stupid protozoan.

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

Izaya can feel his calmness begin to slip. It's hard enough being defenseless in front of his enemy, the last thing he needs is a reminder of how incapable he is of reading Shizuo Heiwajima, of all people.

"Why, Shizu-chan?" He presses, trying to break whatever amiable truce seems to have grown between them "Did you come to gloat? Is that it?"

Shizuo snaps then, taking a step forward and closing both hands into fists.

"I don't know." He spats. "I have no fucking idea what I came, stupid flea."

To say Izaya is pleased at this change of attitude would be an understatement. Anger he can control; an angry Shizuo is something he can deal with.

"Does seeing me down gets you off?"

"I am not like you." Shizuo hisses.

Silence falls over them like snow; soft and welcoming, and it chills the both to the bone.

"No, you're not." Izaya doesn't know why he says that, but it feels like a truth too simple to hide.

They stare at each other in silence, neither knowing what to say or do next. Time breezes past them and leaves them feeling small and unsure.

"Why?" Shizuo's voice is ridiculously soft, as if he could break something just by raising it.

"Why what?"

Shizuo grunts.

"Why did someone fucking stab you, bastard?"

He seems disappointed. Izaya laughs as he looks away. Why are you disappointed, Shizu-chan? Why would you care?

Shizuo refuses to talk or look at him and Izaya has to suppress a laugh. He's angry at me. Izaya doesn't know if it's the painkillers or if the situation is really as surreal as it seems. He feels betrayed because I allowed someone else to almost kill me.

"I let my guard down." He admits. "It will not happen again."

He is not excusing himself. He is not.

Silence again. Silence; it seems to be this way with them; either chaos or silence, no in-betweens.

"Why did you come, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo turns around and leaves the room.

Izaya turns to look at the closed door and wonders what did just happen. Was that all a dream? Is he still lying on the floor, bleeding out? Is he going to wake up in Hell?  
As his eyes grow heavy and his head starts to spin there is just one question that keeps repeating itself; why did the monster come?

And why didn't he kill me?


	2. When I don't know what I'm doing, I can fake it

Izaya lets his eyes roam over the streets outside as he leans against the window, and realizes that he doesn’t want to go back out there; it’s not fear, it’s something deeper, a new feeling he does not recognize at all. How can it be?  
Humans walk around unaware of his stare and Izaya follows each of them for a while, wondering if maybe it was him, or her, or those kids, who stabbed him.  
Why, if he loves them so, would his humans try to kill him?  
He knows why, of course.

He grimaces as he turns his face away from the window, angry at them, at all of them, even though he knows that there’s only one man, besides the monster, who could succeed in trying to kill him.

“If it’s war what you want…” Izaya whispers, as he puts his coat on with difficulty and takes one last look around the room.

“Orihara-san, your ride is here.” Nurse Ani comes in and gives Izaya a soft, lopsided smile.

“My ride?” All of his nerves suddenly spike up in alert, he fingers his blades in his pockets, but realizes with dismay that the reassuring sensation they usually bring does not come.

Nurse Ani laughs softly and takes a step closer, whispering as if they shared a secret.

“You know, your friend.”

Izaya can feel himself becoming more on edge each second that passes; he can feel his muscles tense and his perfectly placed smile waver.

“He told me to call him as soon as you were ready to leave. He seemed worried, you know?”

Izaya doesn’t fucking know.

He walks past her and opens the door just as his knees are about to give in and the ache in his abdomen begins to reach a level too high for him to be comfortable with.  
He does not know what he expects to find at the other side of the door; a gun, a knife, even a fist, but what he finds is a really uncomfortable looking Shizuo Heiwajima standing in the middle of the hallway.

“What are you doing here?”

Shizuo looks away frowning.

“I dunno.”

“Don’t give me that again, Shizu-chan, or are you even more stupid than I thought?”

“Shut up and walk, flea, I don’t like hospitals.”

Shizuo turns around as if to start walking, but remains still, his back to Izaya.

“Why did you come?” Izaya asks again.

For a moment it seems like they’re standing under water.

“There’s someone out there trying to kill you.”

Izaya scoffs.

“You, for example.”

“Not like that.” Shizuo turns back around; he looks tired and unkempt, as if he hadn’t slept in days. “You’re hurt, you’re…vulnerable. If you go out like that whoever it is will know.”

“I bet coming to that conclusion consumed all your energy, ne?”

His words are meant to get a rise out of the monster, but his stare is hard and his lips are pressed in a thin line and they seem to just slide, dead, to his feet.

“You’ll live with me until you’re healed. No-one knows where I live and no-one would dare to look, you will be safe.”

Izaya stares at him completely taken aback. Leave it to the monster to leave him, of all people, speechless.

“Are you on drugs, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo glares daggers at him.

“No.”

“Do you know what you’re saying?”

“No.” He sighs; he looks more tired by the minute. “But someone who tried to kill you is out there waiting for a second chance. So…you r choice, flea, but I won’t wait much longer.

Izaya just stares as his worst enemy stands before him, different than ever before, offering him something no-one has never offered; protection.  
He has never needed protection.  
Until now, maybe.

Shizuo starts walking without waiting for an answer and Izaya is left standing in the middle of the hallway, staring at his retreating figure.

The monster doesn’t understand. No-one has ever been able to harm him, not even Izaya himself. Shizuo would never feel what Izaya’s feeling. Shizuo doesn’t know.  
He’s walking before he can even think about it. His strides are long, longer than usual to try and reach the man walking before him. From behind, he looks like a giant.  
They walk in silence to the first floor, and it’s not until they’ve almost reached the entrance that Izaya feels it; he comes to a sudden halt, his feet stop moving, a tremor runs down his spine and his limbs start shaking, very slightly at first, and then so much that he can barely stand.  
The automatic doors of the entrance open and close each time a person passes too close, and the morning light spills into the room in flashes.  
Any of those people could be the one who stabbed him.  
They could all be working for Him.  
When he steps outside the hospital he’s going to die.

“Oi, flea, move.”

Izaya shakes his head and forces his body to calm down, trying his hardest to control the shaking before he answers.

“Do not order me around, Shizu-shan.”

Shizuo frowns and walks up to him, eyes closed into a slit, studying him.

“You’re shaking.”

“I’m not.”

“You’ve gone paler than you are. And you’re shaking.”

Izaya frowns, frustrated with himself, and crosses his arms over his chest in an attempt to regain control over his body.

“I have decided to stay here for some time.”

“The nurse said you had to go once you were healed.”

“Do I look like I’m healed, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo’s stare is hard and clear as he focuses on Izaya. He doesn’t answer.

“Okay.” He says, and turns around to start walking towards the door.

Izaya’s nerves spike up again at the sight of Shizuo leaving. If he leaves, Izaya knows he will not leave this hospital. He knows it as well as he knows his name, and he hates himself for it. The feeling –not quite fear, is now stronger than whatever Izaya has felt before.  
He forces his body to move, his feet to take a step forward, and then another, and then another. As he walks, concentrated in putting one foot in front of the other, he notices that Shizuo’s walking very slowly, as if waiting for him to reach him.

When they cross the hospital doors, Izaya covers his head with the hood of his fur-trimmed coat, and walks as close to Shizuo as he can without touching.  
Shizuo matches Izaya’s pace, and even though he doesn’t turn to look at him during the whole way, Izaya can feel his presence beside him like a moving lighthouse.

Izaya has walked these streets countless times. The man walking beside him has chased him over every rooftop and into every dark alley, he knows every sound and what lies behind every corner, and yet- yet his legs are shaking and his feet tremble with each step he takes. Suddenly, the only familiar thing about these streets is the smell of the man walking beside him.  
When they reach Shizuo’s apartment, Izaya’s muscles are sore from the tension, and he’s absolutely exhausted.

“It’s small, but I cleaned it up before, so….” Shizuo seems suddenly uncomfortable as he opens the door and steps to the side. “You go in first.”

“Worried I’ll stab you in the back?” Izaya means to sound threatening, but the result is something between sarcasm and self-pity.

Shizuo rolls his eyes and closes the door behind them.

To say the apartment is small would be an understatement. Izaya can see almost everything from his spot at the door; the whole apartment is an open space, the bedroom is separated from the living room by a huge bookcase that almost reaches the ceiling. The kitchen is separated by an aisle, and the only room with a door is the bathroom. There are two huge windows with no curtains, and the sun spills in, bathing the whole room in a bright, warm light. Everything is clean and tidy; all in all, it doesn’t look at all like the place where he thought the monster would live.

“You can sleep on the bed. I’ll take the couch. You need to rest and all that…”

Izaya turns to look at Shizuo, standing in the middle of the tiny apartment, looking nervous and uncomfortable and somehow, a lot more at ease Izaya’s ever seen him.

“What makes you think I want to go anywhere near your bed, stupid protozoan?”

Shizuo shakes his head and walks to the kitchen.

“You don’t seem like someone who’d like to sleep on a couch.” He grabs a kettle and fills it with water, setting it on the cooktop to boil. “Do you want tea?”

Izaya stares at him dumbfounded. They have been going at each other for ages, the monster has spent years trying to chase him out of Ikebukuro and suddenly he’s here, offering him his bed and a cup of tea.  
He’s laughing before he can even realize. The whole situation is so utterly ludicrous that he can’t help himself, everything is so bizarre that the possibility that he’s still in the hospital, hung up on heavy drugs and hallucinating doesn’t sound so far-fetched.

“Quit the manic laughter, flea, you’ll scare the neighbors.” Shizuo frowns and sets two cups on the aisle. “What’s so fucking funny anyways?”

“You.” Izaya manages to breathe out. “Us. This whole situation. What is wrong with you, Shizu-chan? You’re supposed to want me dead. Why on earth are you offering me tea?”  
Is this how low I’ve fallen? Izaya thinks, bitterly.

Shizuo just stares at him from the other side of the aisle. His eyes are clearer than Izaya’s ever seen them, his stare heavy and somewhat warm.

“Someone hurt you.” He says finally. “You could have died on that street and I wouldn’t have known.”

Why is that so bad? Izaya thinks.

“Do you really know what you’re doing, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo shrugs.

“Do you?”  
Izaya looks away and takes a step towards the aisle.

“I’ll have Namie bring my stuff. I hope you have at least a decent internet connection.”

He almost misses the half smile that curves the blonde’s lips as he pours water in one cup and milk in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and specially for the kudos, bookmarks and coments, it's always the best part of writing, knowing that someone's out there taking their time to read.


	3. I'm a get down low so I can lift you higher

They free-fall into an unexpected dynamic.

It happens fast, as it always has with them. If Ikkebukuro is their warzone, Shizuo's tiny apartment has become the calm within the storm.

Izaya built his operations center in the small table in Shizuo’s living room, where he spends most of the day while Shizuo’s at work. When the monster returns, he always brings a box of Russia Sushi with him.

“You seem to be feeling better.” Shizuo points out one night, as they eat on the kitchen aisle.

“Don’t be fooled, Shizu-chan. As much as it pains me to admit it, I am still not completely myself.”

Shizuo seems pensive for a moment.

“I know that.” He says finally. “You seem to feel better physically. But aside from that, you’re…”

“Are you trying to analyze me?” Izaya scoffs and stands up, moving to the other side of the aisle to make himself a cup of tea. “Don’t flatter yourself, protozoan, your brain cannot possibly process so much information.”  
Shizuo sighs and starts picking up the empty sushi boxes.

“I’m just saying.” He says, voice soft and low. “You haven’t even tried to leave the house, and it’s already been a week.” He drops the boxes in the trashcan and takes a cigarette from the package on his pocket. “I dunno, I thought It’d drive you even more insane than you already are.”

Izaya turns to look at him while the water boils, and studies him, arms crossed over his chest. The monster has taken to doing that, lately. Whenever Izaya tries to provoke him, he’ll just sigh and light a cigarette, not even raising his voice.

“You know what drives me insane, Shizu-chan?” He spats, suddenly. “You. You and your fucking calmness about this whole situation. I’ve been here a week, sleeping on your bed, eating in your kitchen, showering in your bathroom. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The situation would be comical, if Izaya wasn’t so pissed; Ikkebukuro’s most dangerous men, crammed in a tiny apartment during an undefined period of time – like a twisted reality show.

“Something’s off with you.” Shizuo shrugs. The kitchen is too small and they’re too close, when he exhales, he turns his head to the side so the smoke won’t hit Izaya. “You said so yourself. You have a huge fucking apartment in Shinjuku, you could have hired a shit ton of protection, and yet you’re here, living with the man you hate the most.” He drops his gaze to the floor for a moment, as if pondering what to say next. When he looks at Izaya again, his eyes are soft like melting caramel. “So, you tell me, Izaya-kun, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Izaya throws him the scalding contents of his cup and stomps to the bedroom. As far as dramatic exits go, Izaya knows it would have been a lot more effective if the house had any doors.

Shizuo just walks to the bathroom silently, and after a while, Izaya hears the water running.

Nights, as Izaya has come to learn, are the worst part; he’s had the same nightmare over and over again, every night; he tries to leave the house, and as soon as he’s out the door someone stabs him again, and it all comes back – the piercing pain, the fear, the realization that he’s human, that he can, and probably will, die.

Usually, he wakes to the sound of the monster’s soft and even breathing coming from the couch. He remains very still, staring at the cracks in the ceiling and trying to compass his breathing to Shizuo’s. The monster never wakes.

Not until tonight.

“What happens?” Shizuo asks suddenly, voice soft and rough with sleep.

Izaya tries to hide the surprise and mortification from his voice.

“Elaborate, Shizu-chan. You must know how to formulate a proper question. Ne?”

“In your dream, flea. What happens in your dream?”

Izaya rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“I would hardly call it a dream.”

Shizuo’s silent long enough for Izaya to think he’s fallen asleep again.

“No-one had ever managed to hurt me.” He starts in a whisper. “Not even you.”

“And then someone almost killed you.” There’s something in Shizuo’s voice, something Izaya’s heard before, but can’t quite place.

The informant sighs.

“I dream that as soon as I leave through that door, someone’s going to stab me.”

It’s almost easy, talking to the darkness in whispers. He can almost imagine that the person answering from a few feet away is not his worst enemy.

“That shouldn’t be able to happen. I shouldn’t be able to die. I am not like my humans. They should love me, they should adore me, I should not be able to be hurt by them, much less killed! The only one who can kill me is…”

“Me.”

Izaya inhales and tries to keep his breathing even. He can feel his thoughts spiraling out of control, but that can’t happen here. Not in front of the monster.

“That’s fucked up, Izaya.”

Izaya laughs, throaty and desperate.

“Do you think I don’t know?” He takes another deep breath and forces his voice to sound as steady as he can. “I spend hours staring out the window, thinking that he’ll come for me. I was not smart enough to fight him the first time, I should have known, I should have seen it coming, I should have…”

There’s a rustling of blankets somewhere in the room, and suddenly the mattress dips to the side. Izaya can feel the heat from Shizuo’s body as the blonde lies down next to him, far enough so they don’t touch.

“No one will come.” Says Shizuo in a rough whisper.

Izaya can feel his body relax in response to the sudden heat. He turns his head to the side and he can discern the monster’s silhouette despite the darkness.

“How can you be so sure? He’s found me before.”

“I’d like to see him try a second time.”

It’s spoken in the same soft tone, but there’s something else in Shizuo’s voice, something that makes it seem like a threat – a threat far more serious than the ones he’s thrown to Izaya before. For the first time in his life, Izaya understands why people are so scared of Shizuo.

Izaya turns to his side and stares at the silhouette of the man beside him.

“Would you kill him?”

He doesn’t know why he asks. He doesn’t know what answer he expects to get. He regrets it as soon as he says it.

“No.” Shizuo turns to the side, too. Izaya can see the moonlight reflected in his eyes, that are totally focused on him. “But you would.”

Would I? Izaya thinks.

When he wakes up the next morning he feels lighter than he has for a while.

Something changes in their dynamic then. They don’t talk about it, they don’t even seem to notice, but the next night, Shizuo lies directly on the bed, instead of on the couch. 

*

The sunlight almost blinds him.

Izaya brings his hand up to shield his eyes, and smirks. He closes the door behind him and walks down the steps three at a time. He’s healed, he feels good, he’s invincible.

And then, out of nowhere, a flash of silver.

Only this time, the pain never comes.

He looks down and there’s a hand between the knife and his abdomen. The blade breaks to pieces when it touches the hand, but doesn’t manage to even scratch it.

*

Izaya opens his eyes and is met with darkness and the soft sound of the monster’s breathing. His waist feels incredibly warm, and when he moves, he notices that there’s an arm draped over him.

“‘nother nightmare?” Shizuo’s voice is rough and muffled by the pillow.

“No, Shizu-chan.” Izaya takes a deep breath and moves to a more comfortable position, curled on his side. “I don’t think it was a nightmare.”

The only answer he gets is Shizuo’s arm tightening around his waist, and a new wave of heat as he presses against him from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I'm so incredibly happy with the great reception this story is having so far. I can't thank you enough for the comments and kudos, and above all, for taking your time to read. I had everything planned for this story, but Shizuo and Izaya seem to have a mind of their own, so from now on I think I'm just going to let them lead.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter!


	4. Maybe it's the worst in me, that's bringing out the worst in you

Never the one to waste his time, Izaya has taken to studying the monster. He figures he can at least use this time being so close to him to try and understand what goes on in that infuriatingly unpredictable mind of his.

So far, Izaya has noticed two things; the first one is that while the natural response from a human to seeing their enemy in a fragile state would be to attack, Shizuo’s response, not surprisingly, is the complete opposite. Maybe because he’s more in contact with his primitive side, Izaya thinks, is that Shizuo is acting the way he is; like an animal. When around a person that is emotionally or physically fragile, animals tend to act like a calming presence, they just stay close, provide warmth and security. And that, Izaya has noticed, is what Shizuo’s doing; he’s calmer, his voice is softer, when he curls around Izaya at night, he’s nothing but warm and gentle. The informant is not sure that Shizuo himself is aware of the huge change in his demeanor, or if he’s just acting on instinct.  
It’s funny, really, the fact that Shizuo’s animalistic ways tend to make him more human than most humans.

The second one, and the least surprising to Izaya, is that for all his monstrous strength and little self-control, people seem attracted to Shizuo like moths to a flame. Shizuo is, in some ways, Izaya thinks, like a roaring fire. You’d figure that everyone who gets close must end up burnt, but only Shizuo himself thinks that, apparently.  
Shizuo’s phone has been ringing all afternoon.

“You get an awful lot of calls.” Izaya says. It’s day six and he’s lounging on the sofa, watching Shizuo move around the kitchen as he makes dinner.

Shizuo eyes the phone that rests on the table, uninterested, and turns his attention back to chopping vegetables.

Surprise, surprise. The monster knows how to cook.

“Too many.”

Izaya stretches an arm and grabs the phone, half expecting the blonde to stop him, but Shizuo’s not paying attention anymore.

There are more than thirty missed calls, five only from today; Mikado, Shinra, Izaya’s own sisters…

“Why would my sisters call you?”

Shizuo shrugs.

“I dunno. To hang out, complain about you…no one really wants anything when they call.”

Of course not. Izaya thinks, bitterly, they all just want to be close to the monster. Isn’t that ironic? The humans he loves so much choose to love the monster instead of him.

“Why do you think people call you so much, Shizu-chan?” He asks absentmindedly, scrolling through the hundreds of pictures of Shizuo with all the others. Shizuo’s phone – not surprisingly, has no password.

Shizuo shrugs again and drops the vegetables in a frying pan.

“I don’t like to talk on the phone, it’s annoying, so I almost never pick up.”

Izaya laughs and stands up on the sofa.

“You are like the sun!” He laughs in between phrases. “Monstrous and bright, and humans seem to be inevitably drawn to you.” He throws the phone on the table and laughs manically. “Even I! I! As superior as I am, can’t seem to stay away from you!”

Shizuo drops whatever he was holding and turns to look at him, eyes wide open in utter confusion. Then Izaya recovers from his fit of laughter enough to look at him and they stare at each other in silence.

Confusion is the look he likes best on his monster, Izaya decides.

“You are insane.” Shizuo’s voice sounds a lot more clam than he looks.

Izaya shrugs and hops off the sofa, stretching his arms over his head and walking up to the aisle to stand in front of Shizuo.

“It’s the truth.” He says. “If it had been you in the hospital you would have had a crowd waiting for you outside with flowers and chocolates and all that sappy crap.”

“Maybe that’s because I’m not a sociopathic bastard like you.” Shizuo turns his attention back to the frying pan. “I thought you didn’t care about that shit.”

Izaya frowns.

“What do you mean?”

“If people cared or not. I didn’t think it bothered you. You’re strong like that.”

Strong like what?

“I think you got the concept wrong, Shizu-chan. Don’t you know what words mean? Do you need a dictionary?”

Shizuo lets out a small growl but does not turn to Izaya.

“What I meant, flea, is that you’re the only person I know that doesn’t need…the approval of others. You just do whatever you want and you’re okay with it. You do a ton of crazy shit, but still. I, um…I’m not like that, so I notice, I guess.”

I notice.

The way he says it, Shizuo makes it sound almost like something good. But no one’s every seen anything good in Izaya before. He stares at the blonde’s back in silence until Shizuo’s phone chimes, announcing a new message.

“You should answer.” Izaya murmurs, still lost in thought, going back to the couch and staring at his own phone, that has been silent since before the accident.

Izaya Orihara is presumed dead, and nobody cares. What a surprise.

“I told you, talking on the phone annoys me.”

Silence fills the room like fog; dense and almost palpable.

“You always answer when I call, though.”

Izaya’s voice is soft and almost surprised when he says it. He doesn’t know where it comes from, he never even though about it before, but the truth is that he can’t recall a single time when he’s called and Shizuo hasn’t answered.

The other man doesn’t say anything as he serves two plates and places them on the aisle.

“Dinner’s ready.”

Izaya jumps of the sofa and walks up to the aisle, sitting on one of the stools.

“Ne, Shizu-chan, tell me. Why do you always answer?”

Shizuo is obviously making a huge effort to look anywhere but at Izaya.

“When you call its always bad news.”

“So, you’d rather have bad news than greetings from your stupid friends?”

Shizuo has that look again, the one he had at the hospital; lost and confused, as if the mere idea of answering that question was so complicated that he doesn’t even know where to begin.

“You’re going to have to start answering my questions.” Izaya says, taking a small bite of his food.

“I don’t have to do shit.”

Izaya shrugs.

They eat in silence until they’re both finished, and Shizuo takes their plates to the sink. The scene is so domestic that Izaya can’t help but wonder how, of all the possible outcomes of him being stabbed, this is the one that became a reality.

“It’s a reflex. I can’t help it.” Shizuo says suddenly. He has his back to Izaya and the informant can see that he’s gripping the edge of the sink. “You say I’m like the sun. Then that makes you the Earth.”

Shizuo turns to look at him and his eyes are burning ambers that seem to light up the room.

“I keep spinning ‘round you.”

Izaya stares blankly at the man before him. For the hundredth time since they met, Heiwajima Shizuo has managed to leave him speechless.

“You use big metaphors as if you know what they mean.”

Shizuo shrugs and walks around the aisle to sit on the sofa. He reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the table and places one between his lips, lighting it up and inhaling slowly.

“You wanted answers.” He says simply.

Izaya jumps on the sofa next to Shizuo, eyes shining with manic mirth.

“Another question.” He says.

Shizuo takes another long drag of his cigarette and nods.

“Why did you hate me the first time you saw me?”

There it is.

The question that has been hanging over them for almost a decade. The one question that could have changed everything, if it had been asked at the right time.

 

Maybe it still could, Izaya finds himself hoping for the first time in forever, and doesn’t even try to deny it.  
Shizuo exhales – painfully slow, like winter melting into spring.

“Because I envied you.”

The smoke from the cigarette rises and expands between them until the room is immersed in dream-like fog.

“You had the thing I wanted the most, and I hated you for it.”

“What was that?”

“Control.”

Izaya almost laughs at that. He feels lightheaded, as if he had just smoked a whole joint on his own. He wonders if it’s the smoke, or Shizuo’s voice, or if he’s dreaming and about to wake up.

He doesn’t want to wake up just yet.

“I wanted to be near you because you had the thing I wanted the most.”

“And what’s that?”

Love. He wants to say. Admiration.

“You were not human.” He says finally. And it’s not completely a lie.

Shizuo grunts and his lips curve until he’s almost smiling.

“Still with that monster crap. You’re as much of a monster as I am, Izaya-kun.” Shizuo’s eyes focus on Izaya’s reflection on the black screen of the TV before them. “You’ve always brought out the worst in me…but I guess somehow that made me force myself to be better.” He shakes his head and looks away. “Fuck, I’m not making any sense.”

“You are.” Izaya hears his own voice even before he can think about speaking. “It goes both ways, I guess.”

They stay silent, staring at each other through their reflection in the tv screen and listening to the sounds of the city that was once their battlefield.

If they recognize the people staring back at them, neither Izaya nor Shizuo show it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay, this chapter has been the most difficult to write so far... Things are starting to really change between these two and we're heading for the end. Maybe this chater is some kind of a poing of inflexion, and I really, really hope I got them right.  
> I'm still not sure about it, but I hope they're not too OOC.
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for reading and commenting, and I hope you enjoy!


	5. Let’s be bad together, make the Devil smile

On day seven, Izaya leaves the house.

It’s Saturday and, for some reason, Shizuo’s gone when he wakes up. The events of the night before are covered by a heavy fog, as if they had been a dream, and maybe they were, who knows, Izaya has thought about it before, that all this week has been a dream and he’ll still be half dead on the street at the end of it.

It wouldn’t be any more far-fetched than what has been happening if it has really been happening, that is.

His phone starts vibrating when he’s making coffee and he has to actually look for it, for the first time in his life. His phone has not made a sound since the day he was stabbed, so when he sees the screen light up with a new message, something inside him twists involuntarily.

Incoming message from: Shiki-san

Heiwajima-san has been asking questions. There’s someone following him now.  
Keep your pet on a shorter leash, Orihara-kun. And be careful.

Time seems to stand still while Izaya stares blankly at the screen; he must really be dreaming because the message has caught him completely off-guard.

This has never happened before.

“Shiki-san.” He greets as soon as the other picks up, managing to sound nonchalant even though he’s so on edge he didn’t even know we was calling until he heard sound at the other end of the line. “How did you know I was alive?”

“Orihara-kun” Shiki greets. “Who did you think took you to the hospital?”

Izaya’s stomach drops.

“You’ve known this whole time?”

“Your life is valuable to me, as you should already know. We did not manage to catch the man who stabbed you, but I have someone keeping an eye on the house and Heiwajima.”

The unexpected seems to keep piling up on Izaya like soft, melting snowflakes.

“I don’t know what to say.” Izaya admits.

“That’s a first time for you, isn’t it?” Shiki’s tone is neutral as ever, but he sounds almost amused. “My people are investigating, but today Heiwajima is being especially loud and meddlesome. He’s managed to attract attention, so for now stay where you are.”

As if I could leave. Izaya thinks, bitterly.

“I’ll take care of Shizu-chan.” He says. “Do keep me informed of what you find out.”

The line goes silent for a moment, and Izaya almost thinks the other man has hung up when he hears him speak.

“I will find this man, Orihara-kun, but his war is yours to fight.”

Shiki hangs up without waiting for Izaya to thank him for saving his life, and Izaya is thankful for that, also.

He leaves the phone on the table and turns to look at the door; there’s someone out there waiting for another chance to kill him, he has always known, but it’s confirmed now. Without even thinking about it, he crosses the small distance that separates him from the entrance, opens the door and walks out, but doesn’t make it far before he’s back inside, breathing hard and erratic.

He falls back on the sofa and hides his face between his hands, laughing so hard he feels like crying.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Shizuo arrives a couple of hours later with his clothes ragged and torn; there’s a scratch on his cheek and some blood on his lip. He looks good. That’s the look Izaya likes on him the most.

“Where’s lunch?” He asks, without standing from the spot where he’s been sitting for hours.

Shizuo looks down at his empty hands as in surprise.

“I think I forgot.” He admits, running a hand through his tousled hair. “I had some distractions on the way to Russia Sushi and didn’t make it.”

Izaya narrows his eyes and stands from the sofa, walking up to him and studying him carefully.

“Did you get in another fight, Shizu-chan? Are you really that incapable of controlling yourself?”

Izaya knows what happened, but he wants Shizuo to say it first.

Shizuo closes his hands into fists and glares angrily at Izaya, for a moment, he seems ready to snap. 

“Did you, monster? You hurt someone, ne? Was it bad?” Izaya presses, getting excited at the perspective of fighting with the monster again, even for a stupid thing like this.

The movement is fast, too fast for Izaya, who’s still somewhat hurting, to dodge. Suddenly their positions have changed and Shizuo has him pinned against the door, a hand on his neck.

“Shut up, stupid flea. You have no idea.”

Their faces so close that Izaya can feel Shizuo’s hot breath on his face, smell the smoke of the cigarettes, feel the heat emanating from his body like a fireplace.

“Tell me then.” He says, smiling up at him, a malicious glint in his eyes.

“They were looking for you.” Shizuo says. “They came demanding me to tell them were you were.”

Izaya already knew this, kind of, but it doesn’t keep his stomach from dropping and doesn’t cover the taste of bile rising through his throat. Suddenly, he can barely breathe. Shizuo seems to notice the change in him, because he releases him instantly and takes a step back.

“You were asking questions. I’s your fault.”

Shizuo seems surprised and offended on equal parts.

“You have not left the house in a week. You’ve changed. I have a right to know why.”

“You have no fucking….”

“I do!” Snaps the blonde, taking a step towards him, caramel eyes lighting up like a bonfire. “I fucking do.”

Shizuo’s stare burns through him and Izaya has to look away for fear of turning into a pile of ash.

“Did you hurt them?”

“I didn’t touch any of them.” Shizuo says, taking a cigarette out of the package in his pocket and lighting it up. “Scared them away after they begun to bother me too much, though.”

“Did you tell them where to find me?”

Shizuo shakes his head and takes a long drag.

“Told them to stay in Ikkebukuro, that you’d show up sometime.”

He’s smiling now. The gentle smile Izaya is starting to get used to is turning slowly into the manic grin he knows so well, and didn’t know he missed.

“You want them to find me, ne?” Of course you do. Izaya thinks. You hate me, after all.

Shizuo stares at him with a crazy glint in his eyes, his grin bright with deadly excitement.

“Yeah.” He says. “I want to see what you’ll do.”

It’s not much of an explanation, but Izaya’s used to Shizuo’s lack of words by now, and the realization hits him like a rain of bricks anyhow. He finds himself at a loss of words as he stares at the man before him; Shizuo did not fight his enemies because he wants to see Izaya fight them himself.

This war is yours to fight.

Izaya doesn’t know why he does it, but the moment he manages to grasp the thought is too late and his lips are already pressed hard against Shizuo’s.

The sounds of the city breezes past them like noisy butterflies.

“Let’s go get food, Shizu-chan.” Izaya commands when they part, turning around to open the door and leave the house.

Shizuo leaves behind him without making a sound, and Izaya knows that he cannot turn back, so he keeps walking forward.

The air is cool, and the city is alive and Izaya feels like he’s waking up slowly from a long slumber. Shizuo walks a few steps in front of him now– far enough that it doesn’t seem like they’re together, but close enough so Izaya does not lose him in the crowd.  
He ignores him all the way and Izaya takes to studying him; he seems to walk calmly, but his muscles are tense, and he seems ready to jump at any second. He seems to be looking straight ahead, but his head will turn slightly to the side every now and then, looking over his shoulder almost imperceptibly.

Izaya tries to ignore the thoughts that threaten to take form in the back of his mind and focuses his attention on his surroundings, eyes darting from on street to the other, stopping briefly to study the people walking around them. He’s aware that the people looking for him could be anywhere. They could see him and maybe he won’t be fast enough, maybe…  
He’s so immersed in his own thoughts that he doesn’t even notice when a hand sticks out from an alley to his left and wraps around his arm, pulling him to the side.

When he comes back to reality, there’s a man pinning him to the wall, one hand on his heck and the other holding a knife.

“This time you won’t be so lucky, bastard.”

Saliva turns to sand in his mouth and every single muscle tenses up like a slingshot. This is what he has been fearing all along, this moment, death. His arms refuse to move and all he can do is stare blankly at the man before him as a deep feeling of shame takes over him.

This is not how it ends. It can’t be.

There’s a chuckle somewhere at the entrance of the alley, a sound loud enough that even Izaya, lost in his own thoughts, can hear it.

“And who the fuck are you?” The man holding him still turns to the side to look at the intruder.

A tall, lanky figure stands at the entrance of the alley, shadowed by the fading sunlight at his back.

“Your problem is not me.” Shizuo says, with a hint of amusement and something else Izaya can’t place. “The problem is the bastard you’re trying to kill.”

Izaya turns to him, wide-eyed. Shizuo is just standing there, hands in his pockets and a cigarette dangling from his lips, and he’s laughing, the bastard.

“You’re that Heiwajima guy.” Says the man, voice trembling in badly disguised fear. “You hate his guts. You won’t stop me.”

Shizuo just shrugs and takes a long drag from his cigarette.

“Don’t need to.”

And then he turns to look at Izaya; his eyes are heavy like a mudslide and soft like melting caramel. Izaya has seen that look on his eyes before, that first time when they met at school, their first chase, and all the chases after that one; a challenge.  
Shizuo’s staring at him like he’s the only enemy worth having, and right there, under that gaze full of hate and adoration, despite the fear and the shame, and like all those other times, Izaya feels invincible.

Not even a second has passed and he has escaped the man’s hold and reversed their positions, pinning him to the wall with his own knife pressed to his throat.

“Tell your employer one thing.” Izaya whispers, and his voice holds so much venom that he almost doesn’t recognize it. “He got his chance, and he blew it. Now it’s my move.”

The man seems to shrink before him, scampering out the of the way and into the dark of the alley as soon as Izaya takes a step back. 

Now, that’s a reaction he’s used to.

He turns to look at Shizuo and the monster has not moved, but everything in him has changed; his eyes are shimmering like champagne bubbles and his lips are curved into that feral grin Izaya knows so well.

“Chase me, Shizu-chan.” He commands.

Shizuo growls in response, and so the chase begins, like it has so many times before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I have no excuse for this chapter being up sooooo late. I've just been having a little writer's block recently, but I've found some amazing Shizaya stories to read and inspiration has come back! If you know of any great stories please, let me know.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos, you keep the muses working :)
> 
> The next chaptr will be up much sooner, pinky promise!


	6. I pick my poison and it's you

They have both been here before.

For the first time in what feels like forever, they're walking on a ground they recognize, passing through a scenery they know by heart, being fully aware of every movement their bodies make. Every torn street sign, every dodged vehicle, every climbed fence and every knife thrown; they both know the blood that stains their hands and their clothes as well as they know their own.  
They have been here before but it seems different now, like they're understanding it for the first time, like they have just now realized the reason why punches never land where they should and knives never hit their target; this is not about killing, if one of them died, it would be the end of the game for both of them.

Shizuo realized that the moment he saw Izaya on that hospital bed, and everything, suddenly, fell into place, just like that.

The chase is not just a chase now, it's an understanding, a pact.

Was it like that form the beginning? Probably not, but neither of them knows when it changed.

Adrenaline takes over them and they move by inertia, never once missing a step, never once stopping; they smash into walls and climb up fences and jump from rooftops. They free-fall into each other as they always have, pulling in and pulling away, like gravity.

When they reach Shizuo's apartment they're both breathless and grinning like maniacs. Izaya's almost healed wound is throbbing painfully and he can barely stand on his own, so he leans on the door for support and watches at Shizuo approach slowly, hands clenched into fists and a predatory glint in his eyes.

"You caught me." Says the informant with fake distress. "Whatever shall I do now?"

"Open the door."

It's more a growl than actual words but Izaya has learned to understand Shizuo's particular language by now, so he turns around and takes the key out of his pocket, opening the door with deliberate carefulness and walking inside.

They stand facing each other, in the middle of that small apartment with no doors, bathed in the fading sunlight, for that seems like an eternity.

"He could have killed you." Shizuo says suddenly, voice soft as a faraway thunder.

"No, Shizu-chan, he couldn't have."

"You didn't seem so sure back there."

Izaya forces himself to hold Shizuo's stare, fully aware that what he's about to say will take them to a place from where they won't be able to come back.

"Only I can choose who kills me, Shizu-chan. And I chose you years ago, no one else ever stood a chance."

Shizuo's expression changes, the air around them changes, the game itself changes.

There's no going back now.

Shizuo takes a step towards him, seeming suddenly unsure. When Izaya doesn't move, he takes another one, and then another one, and before any of them knows what's happening, Izaya has his arms wrapped around the blonde's neck, and Shizuo's lifting him up off the ground and their lips clash with the force of a tidal wave, leaving them both standing in the eye of the hurricane. It's not gentle and it's not soft and there's nothing romantic about it, but it has never been with them, so it's not that much of a surprise.

It's simple, it's raw and it's real.

They fall on the bed in a tangle of limbs, rolling around the mattress, fighting to gain the upper hand with the same energy they always fight with. The press of Shizuo's fingers on Izaya's hips is a clear indication that he's not holding back and Izaya feels empowered and exhilarated at the thought of the monster believing him to be strong enough to handle his strength.   
They part when they're both so out of air that they can barely see straight, and Izaya sits up, straddling Shizuo and staring down at him with half lidded eyes.

They spend a slow, painful lifetime regaining their breaths in silence as they stare at each other.

"Fuck." Shizuo breathes.

Izaya laughs.

"I managed to leave you breathless, ne?"

"You always do."

If they were other people, it could sound almost romantic, but Izaya knows that Shizuo's not talking about that; Shizuo is as practical as he is blunt, when he says Izaya leaves him breathless, he means exactly that; chasing Izaya around the city is a tiring task, even for him. Izaya finds that a lot more flattering than any romantic bullshit others could come up with.

"What now?" Izaya's voice is a soft, inaudible whisper. He knows Shizuo deserves the chance to turn back, he owes him that much, but selfish as he is, he doesn't really want to offer it.

Shizuo turns his head to the side, closing his eyes. His hands, Izaya notice, are still gripping his hips.

"You can leave, if you want."

Leave it to Shizuo to always be the better man. Just another reason to hate him.

"I don't want to."

Shizuo's eyes snap open and he looks back at Izaya. His lips start to curve into a smile Izaya's never seen before, and he moves his hands very slowly to grab at Izaya's shirt and pull him down. Then they're centimetres apart, their noses almost touching, chests pressed flush against each other.

"Do whatever the fuck you want, then." Shizuo growls.

That's the only invitation Izaya needs to lean down and crash their lips together again.

Shizuo returns each of Izaya's kisses with the same fervour, if not more, and holds him as tight as he can, running his hands along every inch of Izaya's body as if trying to memorize it by touch, but for all his eagerness, he doesn't make a move to change their positions, and Izaya remains on top the whole time; it's Izaya who undresses them and Izaya who chooses how slow or how fast.  
At this point, Izaya knows that this is just Shizuo being Shizuo; sickeningly thoughtful even in a moment like this, thinking about what Izaya wants - what he needs, even when he's not so sure of it himself.

Izaya wonders, as Shizuo guides his hands slowly down his back with a clear intention, if the monster himself is aware of the way he acts.

The blonde's fingers find what they were looking for and every muscle in Izaya tenses, spine arching and toes curling and head rolling back. For a moment, all that can be heard are Izaya's soft pants and whimpers and Shizuo's increasingly erratic breathing. Then Shizuo's fingers are replaced by something moister, bigger, warmer, his fingers move to Izaya's hips and lift him without any effort, then bring him back down. Izaya could swear that he lost consciousness in that very moment, for at least a second. When he opens his eyes and looks down, Shizuo's staring at him the way someone would stare at an eclipse; scared of going blind but too wonderstruck to look away -it's almost enough to bring Izaya over the edge.

Sex, as it turns out, is nothing like the chases they're used to - it's painfully slow, each touch deliberate and precise, each kiss aiming to explore rather than bruise, each thrust faster, deeper than the last.

Will it be different the second time? Izaya definitely will like to find out, but he can't really be bothered to think about that right now.

Shizuo increases the pace, thrusting up harder, faster, deeper, until Izaya's head spins and all he can feel is the inhuman heat emanating from the man under him and the press of skin against skin, and teeth biting hard at the base of his neck. Shizuo lets out an animalistic growl in his ear and Izaya's sight goes blank.

The world as they knew it ended that night.

When Shizuo wakes up the next morning, Izaya's gone and there's a note pinned to the door by a switchblade.

"Wait and see, Shizu-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!
> 
> You didn't expect me so soon, eh??? It's the love you've shown that kept the muses working! so than you tooons for that! :)  
> This chapter is kind of a transition, things are coming to and end and they will definitely will not be the same after this.  
> I hope you enjoy!


	7. Just like that flame hittin' the end of that fuse, is going out with a bang

-The king-

The door creaks as if it hadn't been opened in ages.

Even with the floor length windows, the spacious room feels a lot darker than Shizuo's small apartment. The air smells artificially clean, and everything is so in place that it looks like a house form a magazine ad; it is cold and impersonal and so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time that it almost feels like a de-ja-vú.

Izaya walks to his desk with determination and sits down on his swivel chair, rolling until he's facing the window, staring at the city below him. He takes his phone out of his pocket and dials the number he knows by memory.

"Shiki-san." He greets when there's a click on the other line. 

"Orihara-kun. I take it you've left your hideout?"

"It was hardly a hideout." Izaya rolls his eyes. "I know who sent that useless thug to kill me."

"Does the name Tsukumoya ring a bell?" Shiki asks.

Izaya almost laughs.

"I underestimated your detective skills, Shiki-san."

"I will admit I had help." Shiki says. "For all your reputation, you have a surprising amount of people willing to help you, Orihara-kun, I honestly did not expect it."

The room is so silent that Izaya can hear himself the moment he holds his breath.

"Neither did I."

Izaya wants to know what people Shiki’s talking about, even though he’s pretty sure he already knows. Anyhow, he knows better than to ask.

“So.” Shiki continues, saving him from the out of control spiral of his thoughts. “Akabayashi and the Headless Rider managed to catch the second man that attacked you and he confessed that he had been contacted by a man through an on-line chat room and hired to kill you. The name of the man was Tsukumoya.” He makes a pause to let the information sink in, and when Izaya doesn’t answer he continues. “The crazy blond who is always driving on a van around Ikkebukuro with other, equally crazy kids said that there’s a writer named Tsukumoya Shinichi whose bestselling novel is named Ikebukuro Counterattack.”

Walker? First Celty, now Walker. Why would any of them do anything to help him? Izaya considers his answers. The city below him is alive and breathing and calling to him to come play, like a pet he’s left alone for too much time.   
There are things he wants to know, things he wants to ask Celty, and Walker, and Shizu-chan. But the time is not now.

Not when his city is calling, and his enemy is waiting for him to make his move.

“I know who he is.” Izaya answers. “I just need to find him. Can I meet you now?”

Shiki laughs, soft and breathy and almost inaudible.

“We’re at your door.”

Well, isn’t life full of surprises.

Izaya spins in his chair and laughs as he stands up, typing fast on his phone.

Kanra: Hey Tsukumoya. Guess what? You left a match and I have a lighter, whatever shall I do?

.

-The horse-

The house seems bigger without Izaya.

Not that is was big before, but it definitely seems bigger now that it’s just him in it again. Does that bother him? He doesn’t really want to think about it too much.

He’s staring at Izaya’s note, lost in thought, when his phone beeps with a message from Celty.

From: Celty  
I know you said you didn’t want to know anything about it, but Akabayashi-san and Shiki-san are now at Izaya’s. Whatever revenge he has planned will probably start soon. Be careful, Shizuo, you know how he can be.

Shizuo stares blankly at the screen. Does he know, really? He doesn’t know fuck anymore, not about Izaya, at least. His whole fucking apartment smells of Izaya; his bedsheets, his pillows, his sofa, everything, everything in Shizuo’s life is now tainted by that fucking smell and it infuriates him to the point where he cannot think straight even in his own house.

To: Celty  
He’ll do what he has to. It’s got nothing to do with me.

He feels bad the moment he sends it, because Celty’s worried about him and she has reasons to be; Shizuo might have told her a lot but he definitely didn’t tell her everything.

To: Celty  
I’ll be careful.

He leaves the house expecting to find a new world, but he’s not exactly surprised to see that nothing’s changed.

“You seem different.” Tom-san says, as they walk to meet Vorona.

Shizuo just shrugs.

“Haven’s slept much.”

Tom nods, smiling.

“Last week was strange, wasn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” Asks Shizuo, tensing visibly.

“I don’t know, I’m just rambling. I just want to know if you’re okay.” He turns slightly to look at Shizuo. “Are you?”

Shizuo smiles slightly.

“Everyone seems worried about me today.”

Tom-san laughs.

Day one in the world post-Izaya ends and nothing happens.

Shiuzo doesn’t understand why he thought that something would.

Day two in the world post-Izaya ends and nothing happens.

Shizuo’s house smells of tobacco now, his sheets don’t.

On day three of the world post-Izaya, the earth crumbles.

“Helloooo Shizuooooo, you eat sushi, that’s good.”

“Hello, Simon.”

“You it sushi at home?” Simon asks, opening the door for him and following him inside.

Yes. Is his first choice, but then he thinks again.

“No.” He says. “Not anymore.”

Now, saying it out loud, Shizuo thinks it sounds sort of sad.

“You be careful Shizuo.” Simon says, bending slightly forward when Shizuo sits on a stool at the booth. “The air smells wrong.”

Shizuo takes his glasses off and arches an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“People have been talking all day.” Says Dennis, emerging from the kitchen and placing a plate of sushi in front of Shizuo; Shizuo’s usual order and an extra of ootoro that is never for himself, even though neither Dennis or Simon know that. “Apparently there’s been a lot of activity in the chatrooms today. Didn’t you hear the news? Orihara Izaya is dead.”

The metal booth bends under Shizuo’s fingers.

“What?”

Simon laughs.

“Relax, Shizuo. Drink tea, eat sushi. Izaya is not dead.”

Shizuo finds himself suddenly inside a water tank and he’s unable to breath or swim to the surface, the world around him is distorted by the liquid and the sounds are slow and come from far away.

“It’s obvious that this is some plan of his.” Dennis continues. “Apparently someone has sent a lot of information to the police; files from Izaya’s personal computer, logs from his activities in the chatrooms and conversation from his private accounts.”

“How…? What…? Why would anyone…?” Shizuo cannot breathe for enough time to formulate a proper question, but even if he could, he doesn’t even know what to ask.

“Only Izaya can give that information.” Simon ads, patting Shizuo’s head as if he were a dog. “You know, no? You know him, Shizuo.”

He doesn’t fucking know.

“All the information points to a man that wrote a couple of very successful books and whose name, apparently, shows up a lot in Izaya’s private chat logs. Even though no-one has ever seen him, and the police don’t even believe that the name is real, they’ve charged him with murder.”

“I gotta go.”

Shizuo stands up, gathers what little air he can manage into his lungs, and starts running; He runs until he city dissolves around him and the noises dissipate, and his legs almost give out. He stops only when he smashes into a truck he didn’t see coming and falls back, breathing hard and erratic and blurred view.

The memory smashes into him just like the truck did:

Just you wait and see, Shizu-chan.

Could it be? Is it even possible that he bastard faked his own death just to get revenge? What would he achieve doing that? Was he wrong? Is there really someone out there who can kill Izaya, besides him?

Shizuo is dialing before he can even think of a thing to say.

“Brother.”

“Kasuka. Can we meet?”

“You sound worried. Are you okay?”

“No.”

Ten minutes later he’s sitting in a park bench, Kasuka by his side, hidden under big, black sunglasses and a baseball cap.

“I’m surprised.” Kasuka says, not sounding surprised at all, when Shizuo’s finished telling him everything. “I thought you hated him.”

“I do.” Shizuo passes a hand through his hair, bingers restless and itching for a smoke. “Is it strange that I hate him, and still the idea of him being dead…”

“It is.” Kasuka cuts him off. “You two are very strange people, brother.”

Shizuo almost laughs.

“Yeah, we are.”

They remain in silence for what seems like forever, the city life passing around them in fast forward while they remain seated, unmoving.

“Do you believe that he is dead?”

Shizuo shakes his head.

“I don’t want to but…”

“What do you believe, brother?”

What does he believe? He believes that Izaya’s too much of a pest to actually die. He believes that Izaya is the only man who has managed to gain the upper hand while fighting Shizuo, he believes that Izaya could lie his way out of any situation and end up victorious. He believes that he is bound to chase Izaya until the day he dies, and he knows Izaya will not die before he makes sure that Shizuo himself is dead.  
He believes that, if Izaya disappears, he wouldn’t know how to live.

“I know he’s not dead.” He says finally.

“He told you to wait.” Kasuka points out. “Maybe you should.”

Trusting Izaya is something he never thought he would do, but then again, he’s done stranger things in the past week.

He’ll think about all of that when the storm blows over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I don't ellaborate more in Izaya's whole plan, that's really secondary to the main idea of the story (also, I suck at that stuff)  
> The end is near, I hope you enjoy!


	8. …but I'm made to ignore the universe when I see you

You've been walking around with a dark cloud  
hanging over every step you take  
Like the slightest breeze will knock you to your knees  
doing your best not to break  
Wish I had the words to tell ya, but I got an umbrella  
And I think it's big enough, for the both of us  
I'll face that wind by your side  
Even take on that rain, I don't mind,  
Or give you space or give you time,  
If you need me to,  
But I'll be here for you  
After the storm blows through

.

 

It’s week three in the world post-Izaya, and his death is no longer news. For some reason, everyone seems to have forgotten about the whole ordeal completely, and everything keeps on as before.

Only three weeks, and it’s already enough for Shizuo to know that he doesn’t know how to live a peaceful life, and, truth be told, he doesn’t want to.  
He’s been waiting for three weeks, forcing himself to remain still instead of going to Shinjuku to track that bastard down, but he’s beginning to get anxious.

On the last night of week three, Shizuo returns to his apartment to find a very alive Izaya sitting on the couch.

“Hello, Shizu-chan.” He greets, smiling at him. “Long time no see.”

“You fucking…” Shizuo lunges forward even before he can think about what he’s doing; the familiar urge to kill the other man bursts in his stomach and expands through his body as he chases Izaya around the tiny apartment. “I’m going to kill you!”

Izaya jumps from the couch to the table and then to the counter, laughing loudly all the way.

“Oh, Shizu-chan, how I missed you!” He spins around and jumps on Shizuo, taking him by surprise and sending them both toppling backwards onto the couch.

Shizuo stays very still, laying under Izaya, breathing hard and glaring at him through half-lidded eyes.

“I thought you were fucking dead.” He accuses.

Izaya laughs again, sitting up and straddling him.

“Did you feel betrayed?”

Yes. Shizuo thinks.

“Did you find the guy that tried to kill you?” He asks instead.

Izaya scoffs, shrugging.  
“Didn’t have to. Tsukumoya found him for me.” 

Shizuo raises an eyebrow.

“What happened was…”

“I don’t really care.” Shizuo closes his eyes and leans his had back on the cushions, suddenly tired.

Izaya jumps off him and stands up.

“I’m going to tell you anyways.” He starts walking around the room, voice picking up speed and volume as he goes on. “As much as I hate to admit it, I had no idea of who could have tried to kill me, but I knew Tsukumoya did. Obviously, being the douchebag that he is, he was not going to tell me without asking for anything in return, and I was not going to pay for information on my own murder! You understand, ne, Shizu-chan? That would be ridiculous!” He laughs as he walks, Shizuo remains with his eyes closed, listening, but understanding very little. “So, I forced Tsukumoya into a situation of which the only way out was telling me who the person was, by making him believe I thought it was him, and acting accordingly. Oh, how wonderful it was!!” He laughs hysterically for a while, and when he stops, he continues without a pause. “You should have read his mail!! He gave me everything, everything! And all I had to do is frame him a little. Some people get too scared of the law, Shizu-chan, not that it’s your case.”

Suddenly, Izaya jumps on his stomach, knocking the air out of him and forcing him to open his eyes and look at him.

“Oi, what the…”

“Aren’t I clever, Shizu-chan? Ne?”

Aren’t you proud? He seems to be asking. He looks younger than he is, or maybe he’s always looked older, and he looks as young as he is for the first time. Whatever it is, Shizuo can’t look away.

“It must be really hard being in your head, flea."

Izaya smiles, descending until he’s straddling his waist again.

“You didn’t come looking for me.” Izaya says, voice barely above a whisper.

Shizuo shrugs.

“You said I should wait.”

Izaya, for a moment, seems absolutely surprised, and Shizuo, for the first time, wants to tell him everything; he wants to tell him that he’s discovered that he doesn’t know how to live when Izaya’s not there to ruin his life. He wants to tell him how amazing he thinks he is, how amazed he is at every plan and every plot, even if he never agrees and they always piss him off. He wants to tell him that he’s sure that if Izaya used that brain of his for good, he could change the world.  
But he doesn’t know how, so he says nothing.

“You know, Shizu-chan, your eyes are incredibly expressive.”

“Are they?”

“Yeah.” Izaya looks at him, pensive. “I actually like it this way. If you speak only with your eyes, then it means only I can know what you’re thinking.”

“I speak, louse.”

Izaya laughs and leans in, resting his forehead against the blonde’s.

“You say a lot more when you say nothing, Shizu-chan.” He closes his eyes and stays very still, forcing himself to say what he wants to, at least this time. “I told you to wait and you waited. I needed to fight my battles and you stood behind me, doing nothing but block my way in case I wanted to turn around and run.” He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, crimson orbs staring right at the man under him. “You have no idea of what you’ve done, monster.”

“I don’t care who that Tsukumoya is.” Shizuo says, eyes fixed on Izaya’s. “I don’t care who tried to kill you and I don’t care what happens to any of them. I could kill them all if I had to, and then there would only be me and you. You want me to say something, I-za-ya-kun? Here’s something: for me there’s always been only me and you.”

The air between them is a thin layer of ice, and the softest sound could crack it and make them both free-fall into frozen water.

“There’s a war coming.” Izaya whispers, lips brushing Shizuo’s as he speaks. “A war you know nothing about, that will change everything. And then… “He closes his eyes again, taking a deep breath. “And then, when I’ve won, I’ll be our turn. You and I, Shizu-chan, will show this world the greatest battle it’s ever seen.”

Shizuo’s lips curve into a grin Izaya knows by heart.

“I like the sound of that. You sure you’ll be alive at the end of that war you talk about, though?”

Izaya opens his eyes and stares at him, offended.

“I would never let you down like that, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo knows that’s the one thing Izaya would never do.

“And then what?” The blonde asks in a whisper.

“The winner gets to choose if the other leaves or stays… forever.”

They stare at each other in silence, as many times before, and silence becomes their sanctuary and their promise.

Shizuo nods but says nothing, and he knows he doesn’t need to.  
He realizes that he likes it; having someone else understand what he means without having to struggle to find the right words to say it.

“What now?” He asks.

Izaya burrows his face in the crook of his heck, stretching his legs and moving slightly into a more comfortable position, and closes his eyes.

“Now we sleep. These past weeks have drained me, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo wraps his arms around the waist of the smaller man and closes his eyes. He knows Izaya won’t be there in the morning, but it doesn’t bother him too much. Their time will come, eventually, as he did this time, he’ll jut wait until Izaya gets tired of playing god and comes back.

As he falls asleep, Izaya thinks about the fact that Shizuo never tried to find the man that tried to kill him, and never asked who he was, even now that Izaya knows.  
Weeks ago, he might have thought that it was just because he hated him and didn’t care what happened to his life.

Now he knows the truth, and he hates his monster a little less.

“Thank you, Shizu-chan.”

.

I'm a riser  
I'm a get up off the ground, don't run and hider  
Pushing comes a-shovin'  
Hey I'm a fighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is; the end.
> 
> I know it's short but the truth is there wasn't much more to say. Things turned out the way they should, I think (I hope)  
> I'm really grateful to all of you who commented and left kudos and read, this story wouldn't have happened without you.
> 
> And, also, as a thank-you gift (and maybe a way to better understand the story) I leave you a small playlist. The songs and the styles have nothing to do with one another, but everything to do with the interactions between Shizuo and Izaya in this story, so I hope you enjoy them.
> 
> 1\. Riser – Dierks Bentley  
> 2\. Worst in me – Julia Michaels  
> 3\. Bad together – Dua Lipa  
> 4\. Poison – Rita Ora  
> 5\. Chain Reaction – Levi Hummon  
> 6\. Gravity – Pixie Lott  
> 7\. When the storm blows – Maddie and Tae  
> 8\. Playing with Fire – Thomas Rhett  
> 9\. Come over – Sam Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This is my first time in AO3 as a writer, and my first story in a long time, so I hope it getts better with time!  
> Also, english is not my first language so if you see any horrible grammar mistakes, I deeply apologyze!
> 
> All chapters will have a verse of a song at the beginning, maybe I'll do a playlist at the end.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)


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